Isn’t it funny how we can go about our lives on cruise control; daily tasks finding us spread thin at best and other times just along for the ride with no rhyme or apparent reason. There are however those moments where for reasons unknown one of those blurred pieces of our world comes into focus.
A cosmic self check perhaps, a random tidbit if you will. It jumps up and stands right in front of us like a fearless child with something to say. Where something you’ve had in your life for who knows how long, suddenly makes itself known. You actually SEE it. Or in my case this morning, hearing it. Meeting a song for the first time.
It’s Sunday morning as I flip on the Pandora whilst making eggs and getting ready to do some unrelated writing. “Life of a writer right here…” So as several songs come and go and my omelette becomes a burrito, I hear it. A song I’ve always enjoyed the melody of, yet like so many others never really paid much attention to the lyrics.
Modest Mouse has always been one of those bands I’ve enjoyed as they’ve been passing in and out of my life like the wind for years. Having never bought one of their albums they became that neighbor down the hall for who you always have nice chit-chat with but never really get to know. And for whom you always commit to reach out to, but never find the time.
This morning for all intense and purpose that neighbor knocked on my door. As this all too familiar song found its way into my ears. To be honest my first reaction was, “what again!?” Oh silly girl, answer the door would ya. Anyway I pushed through the initial irritation and tuned in. Then this hit me…
“Everyone’s unhappy, Everyone’s ashamed
Well, we all just got caught looking at somebody else’s page.”
I’m certain that I’ve heard these words before, however this time they found me running to the gOOgles to put them into context. And when I did they hit me like a slap in the face!
The song titled ‘Missed The Boat’ is an allegory of how we find ourselves missing the point. Missing out on life, relationships and opportunities. The reasons are numerous, but the results are forever devastatingly absolute. We spend so much time wrapped up in internal dialogue & politics we miss the boat of life. And by the time most finally see outside themselves, its too late.
My internal life these last 8 weeks post my facial surgery have been wrought with despair. I’ve been swallowed up by dysphoria the likes of which I failed to appreciate in others. In this funk I’ve seen ghosts thought long expelled and black clouds thought blown away. I’ve been lost at sea in a matter of speaking.
That was until this morning. As the cosmos stood in front of me hand raised saying simply, “to listen.” I did, and that pause may have just pulled me back to shore. As I listened to this song it put back into context the magnitude of life and my part in it. That I along with every one of you have in our possession the ability to be happy! Not just a twinkle, but a Ray Of Fucking Light!!
Sometimes we just need a nudge that it’s okay. So that we may let go of everything but that which we are. For me, I realize more and more that no matter my perceived appearance, it’s what I do with this life that matters. To be happy. And to give it away to all who I meet.
Being said, all I would choose to do with my life would be to perform. Singing to the rooftops songs like this and others! Loud and proud to the brokenhearted and lost souls that like myself just need to be reminded how amazing they are! Knowing that if I can find peace, so can anyone of us. Of this I’m sure. ❤
“Oh, and I know this of myself
I assume as much for other people
Oh, and I know this of myself
We’ve listened more to life’s end-gong
Than the sound of life’s sweet bells.”
The Making Of Self 